By Alyssa Liljequist:
When I saw what they'd brought home from the garage sale, a mixture of excitement and horror rose within me. I snatched the worn leather diary out of their hands. Flipping through it with trembling fingers, I felt sick. Important pages were missing."What’s the matter, Rhonda?" Dad asked.Mom raised an eyebrow. "Aren’t you happy we found it?"I swallowed hard. "Yeah. Thanks."They didn’t know. This wasn’t a typical teenage diary. Between the truly meaningless ramblings were secret blueprints and plans.They were in code, of course. But they wouldn’t stay encoded for long now that our enemies had them.Oh, the president was going to kill me.
The judge says: Ooh, awesome! I love the intrigue, I love the mixture of typical teen and secret-agent, and I love the uncertainty of what might happen next. The writing is strong and solid, and the hook is simply excellent.
By Katy McCurdy
When I saw what they'd brought home from the garage sale, I visibly stumbled. Not just a little misstep, but a head-long stagger where, fortunately for me, I landed on the couch. Pain traveled up my hip when it hit the armrests, but I barely felt it. I was focused on what was clutched in my three-year-olds fist.Stephen paused, confused. “Sweetheart?”I felt like an idiot standing there with my mouth gaping, but I couldn’t speakAfter the night of the murder, I never expected to see it again. But there it was, in her hands—my mother’s locket.I felt numb.My next-door neighbor was my mother’s murderer.
The judge says: Fabulous! So much conflict, questions raised and just enough of them answered, excellent writing . . . this falls into the “I would read more gladly!” category.
By Rayna Huffman:
When I saw what they’d brought home from the garage sale, my heart stopped….then started again, but the second time…it shattered. As he stepped from the car, a tear trickled into my mouth, salty. “Where was he, Mom?”“3435 Oak Avenue…but his mind ain’t what it’s s’posed to be.”“That’s okay, it’s just been so long, we looked so hard, I--how’d he get there?”Mom wiped her eyes, “He’s been homeless, Tisha, he was just there.”He walked toward me slowly. “That you, Tish?”I wrapped my arms around him tightly, “Yeah, it’s me, Daddy.” When I looked at him, I saw something I’d never seen before. My daddy was crying.
The judge says: Whoa! There’s a lot to tell here, isn’t there? I can see this story being full of drama.
I love seeing all the creativity you guys have. It's fascinating all the different directions a single sentence can take. I'm really excited to read all the entires for the 150 word free write. Click here to get details on that, and be back here tomorrow while we continue our talk about satisfying conclusions!