Thursday, October 13, 2011

Winning Entries from last round



Clare Kolenda, double-finaled for 1st



I didn’t want to be here.
Nervously shifting in the worn vinyl booth, I questioned my sanity in agreeing to come back to the field.
Blackmail was a powerful tool and the CIA used it well, I mused, playing with the edges of the greasy menu that I held.
The door swung open, and I slipped into my cover. I was a buyer, waiting to meet with an arms dealer. I expected to see the Russian’s bald head, but it was my ex husband that appeared. His eyes lit in recognition when he spotted me, just as the Russian entered.
The chances of this ending well, I realized, were not good.


The judges say: Fabulous!! It’s intriguing to begin with—I mean, CIA. Blackmail. Then to toss in an ex-husband? Seriously, just fabulous. I love the clash of personal life with professional life in this situation. / The description allowed me to see the location down to the greasy menu. The twist at the end changed an exciting story into a nail biting drama. 


Rachelle Rea, placed 1st and 2nd



I was finally beginning to feel like the Princess I wasn’t supposed to be.
Ignoring the guilt, I forced a smile for the man, the Prince, I loved. Peter presented me to his people. I leaned over the balcony.
To wave to the crowd? Or to escape from the suffocating feeling that came from being an imposter?
Speaking of suffocating.
My smile died as a knife’s blade bit into my neck. Peter’s eyes flashed fire and he reached for his sword.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
At the sound of that voice, I closed my eyes.
The chances of this ending well, I realized, were not good.


The judges say: WHOA! Lotsa conflict here. You’ve got me asking questions right off the bat, and that’s the perfect response you want to invoke in a reader. Nice job!/I was immediately pulled into the story by the glimpse into the character's thoughts. I was left with so many questions that made me want to continue. 



Kaitlyn Evensen, 2nd



Cool grey gravel crunched under my feet as I jogged away from base camp. The icy wind sliced through the only jacket I owned. Shuddering, I pulled my numbing hand from my pockets to draw the hood up over my head. People who left without permission were branded as traitors, but I didn’t plan on being caught. Ever since the government fell and the bombs dropped, all sense of right and wrong had left my mind. Now I lived in a Country where a permanent state of emergency had been issued. The constitution had been burned, and the chances of this ending well, I realized, were not good.


The judge says: Interesting! A world in chaos, a character on the run from it—it conveys a sense of cold resignation more than suspense. Very effective.


Carilyn Everett, 2nd



Bailey stifled a laugh and looked at me through the darkness. She was my best friend, and had been throughout elementary, and it was her brilliant idea which had landed us here, crouched behind the bank teller's desk. A bank robbery. I couldn't remember a time when I hadn't longed for adventure, but this wasn't quite what I had imagined as a youngster. As the security guard's flashlight swept across the top of the desk, sudden fear gripped my throat. The chances of this ending well, I realized, were not good.


The judge says: Excellent! I would love to know how she got into this predicament and how she’s going to get out.


Melanie G. Schroeder, 3rd



Gregory glanced over his shoulder as he yanked me around the corner. My legs churned against the pavement, straining to run farther, but Gregory’s hand was still clamped around my wrist. He pulled me against the cold cement wall.
“We lost ‘em, but they have contacts all over campus.” Gregory swiped a lock of sweat soaked hair out of his face and grimaced. “Might have one in security.” He slid his hand down my wrist into my palm and squeezed it, eyes straying to the security camera above our heads. “Stay out of school politics, Kait. Please?”
 I laughed shakily. The chances of this ending well, I realized, were not good.


The judge says: Interesting! I never would have thought of school politics being so dangerous. Love it.


Rebekah Hart, 3rd



Crisp sheets cooled tingling skin as I snuck into bed, but didn't effect the heated crimson trailing my forearm. Lt. Masters and his sword had come too close for comfort. This double-life was growing difficult.
A knock at the door brought summons from his lordship, my father. I refused the maid's offer to help me dress and hurriedly bandaged my arm. Feigned calm fled as I descended the staircase to Lt. Masters' smug face.
Father was bewildered, “I apologize, Isabel, but this...brigand claims-”
The Lieutenant cut him off, “This all will be settled when my fiancee shows us her arm.”
The chances of this ending well, I realized, were not good.


The judge says: Excellent!!!! I would totally keep reading!


Isla Patterson, 3rd



I tore through the darkening forest, trying to escape.  Coarse barking erupted behind me and a few seconds later, my legs collapsed as two dogs cannonballed into them.  My pursuer ran up and kicked the dogs off, hauling me upright by my arm.  I tried to back away but the dogs growled, so I raised my hands, flicking the long hair off my face.
“You have the wrong person!”  I protested.  The man sneered and lunged forward at my arm, ripping off my sleeve and revealing a circular tattoo.
“I have, have I?”  He gripped my mark and I grimaced.  The chances of this ending well, I realized, were not good.
Excellent action, and I love the idea of a mark that gives her away. I’m definitely intrigued.


The judge says: The description of the chase made my heart race. I want to know the meaning of the circular tattoo and why the person is being chased. 


As always, I'm so impressed by the creativity of the entries. And I'm not just talking about the winners either. The judges for the Go Teen Writers contest are always "complaining" about how tough you guys make their job.


Check back here Monday morning for next round's contest!





5 comments:

  1. * squeal!* They were all sooooooooo good! I LOVED reading them!

    P.S good on ya sis!

    - Elisabeth Greenwood

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  2. I loved all of them! I see why mine did not win. I ran out of time and was really stumped on this one, so the end result turned out to be the first one hundred words that came to mind.

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  3. Okay, so these are always really good, but I am just dying to read Rachelle Rea's story. She wouldn't happen to have more, would she?

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  4. Thanks, Rose!

    Emily Rachelle, I just have to say, I LOVE your name. :) LOL :) I hardly ever meet another Rachelle. :)
    Also, that comment put a BIG smile on my face! Why, yes, yes, I do. :)

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Disagreement is welcome. Rudeness is not. Please be considerate of each other!