tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post5543207074232190304..comments2024-01-12T00:48:48.031-06:00Comments on Go Teen Writers: Chapters - Beginnings and Ending that WorkStephanie Morrillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13128389560727867719noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-67144767000481372592015-05-28T07:52:56.656-05:002015-05-28T07:52:56.656-05:00Amanda - these are really good! The only thing I p...Amanda - these are really good! The only thing I personally would change is that instead of saying "3 hours" (in the 4th one), I would say "quite a few hours" or "a few hours." It's still telling, but it's less of a "tell", and I think ti runs a bit more smoothly. :) Kathleenhttp://dollsanddance.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-2562160292355293542015-05-28T07:49:51.472-05:002015-05-28T07:49:51.472-05:00Thanks everyone! :D I think I'm going to name ...Thanks everyone! :D I think I'm going to name her Rayne, and have a secondary character named Jayda. Lili is going to be her younger sister's nickname, but her name is really Lilith.Kathleenhttp://dollsanddance.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-34068445100799631152015-05-28T04:30:18.677-05:002015-05-28T04:30:18.677-05:00Thanks, guys!Thanks, guys!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03465957545134125403noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-29912222422251993522015-05-27T21:05:01.928-05:002015-05-27T21:05:01.928-05:00I love this! I read once that your first line shou...I love this! I read once that your first line should be what your character is thinking or feeling about whatever is going on. This has turned out to be awesome advice, and it's a great way to break into the scene of the chapter.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17102112870911606839noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-60112434268276775112015-05-27T21:03:23.963-05:002015-05-27T21:03:23.963-05:00Mine is definitely my dream book. Transform is rea...Mine is definitely my dream book. Transform is really important to me--it's ' the idea,' the one that I hope to publish someday. And Transform is a year and a half old concept, so I feel like I owe it to myself to stick with it and finish it. No matter how many times I have to start over.Elliehttp://thespellboundreader.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-10555110633462989532015-05-27T20:46:43.208-05:002015-05-27T20:46:43.208-05:00Thanks, Amanda! The first is definitely my favorit...Thanks, Amanda! The first is definitely my favorite out of the four. I honestly was kind of surprised by people liking the silent laughter thing so much (it involved precisely two seconds of thought to write that line and it wasn't edited), but hey, if readers like it, it stays. I hope I get to keep that line in version 2; chances are I will. Elliehttp://thespellboundreader.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-52122922183160995032015-05-27T20:23:46.361-05:002015-05-27T20:23:46.361-05:00My current project is my dream book, as you call i...My current project is my dream book, as you call it, too! I've had the idea for soo long, it's special to me for some reason. It's really important to me to finish it and really make it worth my while. :)Emily Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-30544050433852966242015-05-27T20:21:11.402-05:002015-05-27T20:21:11.402-05:00The first and the second are my favorites. :) I li...The first and the second are my favorites. :) I like the little hint in the "Not now, not anymore" and I'm curious about the assassin's thoughts about what he's doing. Nice job!Amanda Fischernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-81616582482097490822015-05-27T20:18:29.263-05:002015-05-27T20:18:29.263-05:00The first and fourth are my favorites as well, and...The first and fourth are my favorites as well, and I echo the comment about "silent laughter." It's intriguing. :)Amanda Fischernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-26313837723961943062015-05-27T20:14:08.762-05:002015-05-27T20:14:08.762-05:00Thanks, guys! The last one is my dream book. You k...Thanks, guys! The last one is my dream book. You know, the one that you feel like you really have to get right. It's special. :) Not really working on it right now, so WIP is a bit inaccurate, but I think if I was going to query someday soon, that's the one I'd query with. (When it's finished, of course.) :)Amanda Fischernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-7898829652763205392015-05-27T18:53:17.398-05:002015-05-27T18:53:17.398-05:00Okay, I think I used that first sentence like four...Okay, I think I used that first sentence like four times today. Pretty sure I got up too early or something.....Elliehttp://thespellboundreader.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-69255706618822060442015-05-27T18:51:29.236-05:002015-05-27T18:51:29.236-05:00Wow, your writing is great! The last one is my fav...Wow, your writing is great! The last one is my favorite--makes me want to read more! Nice job!Elliehttp://thespellboundreader.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-70082469228085195382015-05-27T16:43:06.013-05:002015-05-27T16:43:06.013-05:00Thanks so much, both of you! The fact that people ...Thanks so much, both of you! The fact that people are taking the time to read and comment on my writing means a lot to me :-)<br />Elliehttp://thespellboundreader.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-15736903017542083672015-05-27T16:27:05.359-05:002015-05-27T16:27:05.359-05:00Hope it helps in those edits!Hope it helps in those edits!Roseanna Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02245767775900250399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-79038885698310252502015-05-27T16:19:16.057-05:002015-05-27T16:19:16.057-05:00I concur. Good job. :)I concur. Good job. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03465957545134125403noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-83680557996086390922015-05-27T16:00:53.249-05:002015-05-27T16:00:53.249-05:00Thank you for a lovely post! I struggle so much wi...Thank you for a lovely post! I struggle so much with beginnings for chapters or the work as a whole. This gives me plenty to think about in edits. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07274929031054555066noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-67478848827899552052015-05-27T15:52:52.324-05:002015-05-27T15:52:52.324-05:00Here *the* sprites fawn. Sorry for the error :p. T...Here *the* sprites fawn. Sorry for the error :p. This is mainly unedited, and the prose isn't as good as I'd wish. There are many places noticeable instantly where the writing could become better. Thanks again!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03465957545134125403noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-12665267339437052722015-05-27T15:50:20.130-05:002015-05-27T15:50:20.130-05:00Wow! Great post! Here’s a couple of mine, if anybo...Wow! Great post! Here’s a couple of mine, if anybody wants to read them :)<br /><br />The assassin poised silently over the sleeping figure, dagger pointing downward as he tried to fight the accursed fear. Waiting. Listening. His heart threatened to thump its way out of his ribs, his chest loath to give in to the terror the Emperor had prepared so pleasurably for him. The sharp needles poked his face, but he tried to pay them no heed. Not again, not anymore. Behind him, the sound of crunch of twigs and gravel made him almost drop the dagger. His heart leapt into his mouth.<br />You fool, Dorlin! <br /><br />This is actually the beginning of my book. An ending, this time:<br /> <br />“Hel lied to me,” he growled. “As soon as I had your blood, I wanted more! I turned into this,” he almost whimpered, “Creature. A beast who eats his own people! And it’s all your fault, you pathetic freak. I will do to you what you did to me.”<br />“Listen to yourself for a moment,” Dorlin snarled. Scowling, Servus bared his fangs, preparing to swoop at his neck. “This was your own fault, not mine. You don’t have to do it!” He attempted to move once more, but his wounds simply hurt too much. <br />His rival stirred, just behind him, Dorlin heard something move. A shadow of a man fell across the surprised Servus, a man dressed for battle.<br />And then a shot rang out, and the mutilated Strife fell on the ground, dead.<br /><br />A beginning:<br /><br />Dorlin cursed. “Don’t take me for a fool. The Witches of the Forest. They’re the only ones who can cure me, and they’re cursed themselves…” And now his voice faded, and Borifas felt a pang, even though he knew not why. Dorlin couldn't make it all the way to the Forest and after what had happened, all those years ago—no. He wasn't going back there. There had to be another way. Then there was a creak, and the boy emerged from the inside of the bar with a box. His hands shook as Borifas cleaned the wound as best he could, even though he had cleaned so many. But this would do no help, for after all it was the poison killing him. Curse Atallhiti. He could use him right now. Borifas turned towards the lad, grimacing. “Kid, is there a horse here, a good one?”<br />The boy nodded.<br />“Good. Saddle it, and fast. We’re ridin’ to the Forest.”<br /><br />And a beginning I like:<br /><br />In the deep thickets of the Vostol Forest, there are many places one must never visit. In the heart of the woods, tucked in a small valley where the trees are the most ancient, and canopies are greater that the skies, lies a mysterious cottage. Secluded from the rest of the woods, it is here the the sprites fawn, and the animals the most peaceful; the imps dare to raid the nests of the birds, giggle to the skies, and it is here magic lies so thick none may survive it except the gods themselves. Yet, to this day, nobody really knows what happens in this strange dell. Anyone who dares survive the Forest nearby and chance upon it is never seen again. Huge animals, bears and wildcats, even the mightiest of Elves, saunter up to it now and again, only to disappear entirely: any fowl that dare fly above it strangely vanish. So people decided to forget it, and it was well they did. <br /><br />That was long! There are countless more, from other (partial) manuscripts (well, only one) and from this one. Thanks!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03465957545134125403noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-47204909743762013252015-05-27T15:40:24.016-05:002015-05-27T15:40:24.016-05:00Those are good, Ellie! The first and fourth excerp...Those are good, Ellie! The first and fourth excerpts are my favorites, especially the "silent laughter" in the fourth excerpt. It adds to the ominous feel. :)Linea Marshallnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-85115968834962036072015-05-27T15:37:15.967-05:002015-05-27T15:37:15.967-05:00Wow, Amanda, those are great! My favorites are the...Wow, Amanda, those are great! My favorites are the "poetic opening", the "dramatic ending", and the one that you added from your WIP. They're seriously good! :)Linea Marshallnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-30868085797133226982015-05-27T15:34:17.111-05:002015-05-27T15:34:17.111-05:00I agree with Amanda--I like Rayne and Jayda best.
...I agree with Amanda--I like Rayne and Jayda best.<br /><br />One suggestion: Behind the Name.com has a name search function and it'll bring up variants on the name you search, as well as that name in other languages. Sometimes you can get some really interesting spelling variants. <br /><br />Hopefully that helps!Linea Marshallnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-49336815028248174922015-05-27T15:22:08.976-05:002015-05-27T15:22:08.976-05:00Some quick background here: this is a WIP that I&#...Some quick background here: this is a WIP that I'm about to restart (though I'll likely keep many scenes--it's the plot and details that need to change) but as it is, it's the story of April, a teen shape-shifter with terrifying abilities. In the current version she's trying to rescue her parents from the Hunters, and find a scroll that could save the world, but that won't be the case in the new version of the plot.<br /><br />One of my favorite endings:<br />But as I started to follow her and Zoe and Audrey down into the shadows, I looked up one last time at the sky. Through the patchy clouds, I could make out a handful of stars, pinpricks of light in an ocean of darkness. Would I ever see those stars again? I didn’t want to take the last step. Didn’t want to leave this world behind. <br /> I took a deep breath. I had to let go.<br /> And as I stepped into the darkness, my old life slipped away like a dream.<br /><br />And a beginning: <br />“You're not ready.” Nathan folded his arms, his piercing amber eyes fixed on mine.<br /> *Since when are you in charge of my life?* I thought bitterly. <br /> I’d heard those words too many times before. I wasn’t giving in this time. Not when I was so close. <br /><br />Another beginning (actually the start of my book, but sadly I'm going to have to change it since my MC isn't going to be a shape-shifter in this version):<br />I’m not supposed to be a shape-shifter. <br /> I shouldn’t even be alive. <br /> Most shifters are born with magic in their blood. They know who they are . . . what they are. And for thousands of years, no one questioned the fact that magic came only from magical ancestors.<br /> Until me. <br /><br />Another ending:<br />There were a thousand things looming overhead, dark clouds closing in on us. But for this one afternoon, everything was sunshine and silent laughter.<br /><br />(There's some more of this on my blog, longer excerpts, if you'd like to read more. I posted them as part of my TCWT blog chain post, which is currently the first post on the page:)<br />http://thespellboundreader.blogspot.com Elliehttp://thespellboundreader.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-68039255886294935982015-05-27T15:08:28.240-05:002015-05-27T15:08:28.240-05:00Wow, your writing is great! Especially that last e...Wow, your writing is great! Especially that last excerpt. I hope I get to read the book someday.<br /><br />Okay, now I have to go find some of mine, because I was way too lazy to do it before, and I was on my Kindle anyhow. Darn.Elliehttp://thespellboundreader.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-69220649311895705482015-05-27T14:40:08.240-05:002015-05-27T14:40:08.240-05:00I like Rayne and Jayda best. :)I like Rayne and Jayda best. :)Amanda Fischernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-54815820614931924312015-05-27T14:39:02.422-05:002015-05-27T14:39:02.422-05:00Woah, that was long. Whoops. And from my WIP, my f...Woah, that was long. Whoops. And from my WIP, my favorite ending I've written so far (and this is also a bit long...sorry. The background is, Sarah is the MC and something is wrong with her vocal chords and she can't talk. She just got to the hospital a few hours before this.):<br /><br />Sarah’s mom handed the phone to her. “Dad wants to talk to you, sweetie,” she said. Sarah wrapped her fingers around the phone and stared straight into space. Desperation began to set into her. She couldn’t even say hi to her dad.<br /> “Sarah, honey?”<br /> At the sound of his worried voice, Sarah almost started crying again. Why couldn’t her mom have been more understanding? She knew her dad would never sit here and talk on and on about how difficult this was going to make life.<br /> “I’m so sorry, Sarah. I know this has to be hard for you.”<br /> <i>You have no idea,</i> she thought. <i>But I appreciate the sentiment.</i><br /> “I’m going to come stay with you, okay? Mom needs a break. I know you’d probably rather have your mother by your side through this, but hopefully you can understand that she needs her rest.”<br /> Understand that? Sarah almost wept tears of relief.<br /> “Mom told me what you wanted, so I’m going to get that right now, then I’ll be over there as quick as I can. Be brave, honey. Love you.”<br /> Instinctively, Sarah’s lips formed the words “Love you, too.” But her dad couldn’t hear the words. And he hung up. The echo of the dial tone in Sarah’s ear sent shivers through her body, and she numbly handed the phone back to her mom. Then she turned and buried her face in the strange-smelling hospital pillow and cried.Amanda Fischernoreply@blogger.com