tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post7274555058860422937..comments2024-01-12T00:48:48.031-06:00Comments on Go Teen Writers: Edits Are The Time To Get SpecificStephanie Morrillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13128389560727867719noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-16699266081534207032017-03-23T12:47:22.479-05:002017-03-23T12:47:22.479-05:00Florid Sword, you're the randomly selected win...Florid Sword, you're the randomly selected winner! <br /><br />When you have a chance, send me a writing question that you would like Shannon, Jill, and myself to answer in an episode of Go Teen Writers Live: Stephanie(at)StephanieMorrillBooks.comStephanie Morrillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13128389560727867719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-58517328464581470292017-03-05T21:34:29.248-06:002017-03-05T21:34:29.248-06:00Bracken is on my list of favorite words. Just abov...Bracken is on my list of favorite words. Just above ember and just below assemblage... Izzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04377712814593029957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-11516161317334132182017-03-05T21:29:58.993-06:002017-03-05T21:29:58.993-06:00Also, I like how your second version builds up the...Also, I like how your second version builds up the tension a little more with the two shouts. It is so hard for me to see a little snippet like this out of context, I want to know more! Izzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04377712814593029957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-7614428731924039792017-03-05T21:26:34.848-06:002017-03-05T21:26:34.848-06:00"Aha! Filthy fangs, be thou warned, for the F..."Aha! Filthy fangs, be thou warned, for the Florid Sword has arrived!"<br />Have to love that guy :)Izzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04377712814593029957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-26151884716305558782017-03-03T19:54:50.629-06:002017-03-03T19:54:50.629-06:00I do not mean to pry, but are you by any chance al...I do not mean to pry, but are you by any chance also known as Gammon?<br /><br />(In other words, Wingfeather fan spotted!)Sophia Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10393680730064003675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-49651487250170002782017-03-03T14:19:01.267-06:002017-03-03T14:19:01.267-06:00Before: Shouts echoed in the distance, drawing clo...Before: Shouts echoed in the distance, drawing closer.<br />After: A shout reached Esma's ears. It had come from a long way off, but was immediately followed by another, a little closer. R.F. Gammonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03134854415617023273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-68156655103068688952017-03-02T19:53:12.396-06:002017-03-02T19:53:12.396-06:00Original sentence: The bright lights from the sky ...Original sentence: The bright lights from the sky flickered over my hair.<br /><br />I realized that this is VERY vague and also draws attention to the one part of my character's body that she cannot see.<br /><br />2nd attempt: The lights of the aircraft crisscrossed the purple sky, flickering over the braid on my shoulder.Izznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-86105692363793801682017-03-02T11:56:21.503-06:002017-03-02T11:56:21.503-06:00I opened my current edit-in-progress and randomly ...I opened my current edit-in-progress and randomly picked a sentence from the middle: <br />"During the mornings Æschild tended to her own chores, swept the floor, then, in whatever time was left, sat down at the loom and wove until noon."<br />I started to rewrite it with more detail, until finally I gave in. It needs a complete scene, or more than one, to itself. Whoops.<br /><br />So I tried again.<br />"When the cloth for Æschere’s cloak was finally finished, Æschild and Ælflaed spread it out in the yard to measure and cut it to make a semi-circular cloak; the house did not have enough open floor space to lay out all five yards."<br />Which turned into a slightly more manageable scene:<br /> Finally they knotted the warp ends and took the last length off the loom. The women bundled up the pieces and took them down the the river to wash them. The wool, which was exceedingly heavy and hard to carry when wet, stretched a little, but not nearly as much as it would have were it knitted. AEschild made a mental note of that to herself.<br /> “It had better look as splendid as --- well, splendid enough for AEschere to pay in gold,” AElflaed gloated as they slopped up the bank with their warm, wet bundles. “ <br />“Ah, and what if he pays with only one piece?” AEschild laughed.<br /> “I’ll keep it. No, I’ll break it for you to have some, of course, though I think it likely he’ll pay with little pieces.” <br /> When they neared the house AElflaed said, “Let’s spread this out on the grass to dry, and then we can measure it out here too. I doubt there’s room inside to play with it all at once.”<br /><br />Yes, that draft needs a lot of expanding on pretty much everything.Sophia Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10393680730064003675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-33537032787662806222017-03-02T08:52:03.485-06:002017-03-02T08:52:03.485-06:00"So... what weird events?" I GET THIS. I..."So... what weird events?" I GET THIS. I'm always so vague with "series of events" in my synopses, and then during the rough draft I have no idea what they're doing, LOL. Thanks for the post!Catsi Eceerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08332529011525703394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-13920979154309781922017-03-01T18:31:04.163-06:002017-03-01T18:31:04.163-06:00Thank you!Thank you!Katie H.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-56887562269272575202017-02-28T20:51:21.653-06:002017-02-28T20:51:21.653-06:00Oh, okay! Thanks for the advice. :)
Oh, okay! Thanks for the advice. :)<br />LHEnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-48281523015206633322017-02-28T19:23:01.224-06:002017-02-28T19:23:01.224-06:00If you think you're already being specific, I ...If you think you're already being specific, I wouldn't change it. This would just be for sentences that feel too vague.Stephanie Morrillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13128389560727867719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-66131994576857355092017-02-28T19:01:47.793-06:002017-02-28T19:01:47.793-06:00Original:
One of the men walked over to Rae and he...Original:<br />One of the men walked over to Rae and her mother. He seemed uncomfortable.<br />Revised:<br />One of the darkly-clad soldiers walked over to Rae and her mother. His face was twisted with discomfort due to the unfortunate circumstances that he and his company had brought.<br /><br />I'm sorry if this is too long, lol! :DGJEnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-5825345689892611052017-02-28T18:52:03.782-06:002017-02-28T18:52:03.782-06:00How can you be more specific when you already thin...How can you be more specific when you already think you're being specific? <br />Sorry if that sounds confusing. :) Here's something I found that I could be more specific about:<br />Before: Dad seemed uninterested in Blake.<br />After: Dad's glance showed me that he was uninterested in Blake.LHEnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-71491601689305268242017-02-28T13:45:42.610-06:002017-02-28T13:45:42.610-06:00Very nice, Julian! My edited sentences often get l...Very nice, Julian! My edited sentences often get longer too :)Stephanie Morrillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13128389560727867719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-48750911293527655242017-02-28T13:45:00.618-06:002017-02-28T13:45:00.618-06:00Ooh, nice!Ooh, nice!Stephanie Morrillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13128389560727867719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-78005009075772821592017-02-28T13:44:41.901-06:002017-02-28T13:44:41.901-06:00Well done, Katie!Well done, Katie!Stephanie Morrillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13128389560727867719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-5351547844512149282017-02-28T13:44:26.917-06:002017-02-28T13:44:26.917-06:00Yay for being in edits!Yay for being in edits!Stephanie Morrillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13128389560727867719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-3562051878285667332017-02-28T13:44:01.583-06:002017-02-28T13:44:01.583-06:00Nice, Claudia! I had to look up "bracken.&quo...Nice, Claudia! I had to look up "bracken." :)Stephanie Morrillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13128389560727867719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-7264783435660971312017-02-28T13:38:11.172-06:002017-02-28T13:38:11.172-06:00Oh, this should be a fun exercise! Super helpful,...Oh, this should be a fun exercise! Super helpful, since I'm in my editing phase...<br /><br />Original: Duren froze in that way I had seen before.<br /><br />Edited: The old stiffening of his shoulders warned that I had said too much. Whatever goaded his fear, my words had pushed it with a sharp stick. <br /><br />~Julian DaventryAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-47550394264978099292017-02-28T09:33:09.776-06:002017-02-28T09:33:09.776-06:00Thank you! Thank you! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10492132913912177695noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-88275615729437305802017-02-27T23:29:10.258-06:002017-02-27T23:29:10.258-06:00The second sentence sounds great. So clever!The second sentence sounds great. So clever!Gillynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-69568083656862797182017-02-27T22:51:34.154-06:002017-02-27T22:51:34.154-06:00It was beautiful, even though the snow had all mel...It was beautiful, even though the snow had all melted by lunchtime.<br />I loved the snow, even though by lunchtime it had all sunk into that thick red mud that clots in the tread of your boots.Gillynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-32953878376470849582017-02-27T21:13:14.908-06:002017-02-27T21:13:14.908-06:00Original: We enter through an alley between two bu...Original: We enter through an alley between two buildings.<br /><br />Revised: We slip down an alley between two red-brick buildings, single-file.Katie H.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4024721400572472213.post-62214184918203027202017-02-27T15:25:39.921-06:002017-02-27T15:25:39.921-06:00Thanks for the post, I will definitely use the adv...Thanks for the post, I will definitely use the advice now that I have reached the edits. (happy dance)<br /> <br />I opened the door and was greeted by a sight that would send most sane people screaming from the room.<br /><br />I pushed open the heavy door and was greeted by a sight that would have sent most other women screaming from the room. <br />-Book DragonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com