Does Your Fiction Happen in Order?

Jill Williamson is a chocolate loving, daydreaming, creator of kingdoms. She writes weird books for teens in lots of weird genres like, fantasy (Blood of Kings trilogy), science fiction (Replication), and dystopian (The Safe Lands trilogy). Find Jill on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or on her author website.

This is a topic that I talk about in the Go Teen Writers book, but it's come up in a few different stories I've looked at over the past couple weeks, so I thought I'd talk about it on the blog. When I was first learning to write fiction, I messed this up all the time. Until someone said to me: "Action first, then reaction." Sadly, I don't remember who told me this. Just that it was a big "Ah ha!" moment for me.

If you want the reader to connect with your characters and action, the reader needs to experience the events in your story in a logical way. Things should happen in order, then the characters should react to them. And when important actions are left out or seem to happen backwards, you risk confusing the reader. How can you fix this?

1. Get the order right

Look for sentences that have the actions happening out of order and rearrange them.

Poor example: The room was dark when I opened my eyes.
Better example: I opened my eyes to a dark room.

Poor example: The squire jumped aside to let the prince's sword go over his head.
Better example: The prince swung his sword, and the squire ducked. The sword slashed over his head.


2. Avoid Continuous Action Words

Watch out for times that you're written simultaneous actions or used words like: as, when, while, after, and continued to. Most of the time these words can and should be omitted. If you do use them, use them rarely and make sure to arrange the sentence so that events happen in a logical order: action first, then reaction.

Poor example: The car skidded to a stop as Luke rode his bike into the street.
Better example: Luke rode his bike into the street, and the car skidded to a stop.

Poor example: Beth cried when she dropped her ice cream cone.
Better example: Beth dropped her ice cream cone and cried.


3. Avoid Infinite Verb Phrases (Starting sentences with —ing words)

Starting a sentence with a word that ends in “ing” implies that everything in the sentence happens simultaneously, and this can often create physical impossibilities.

Poor example: Grabbing a soda, she put on her shoes, and drove to school.
Better example: She put on her shoes, grabbed a soda, and drove to school.


4. Avoid Teleporting

Make sure that you include all necessary actions in a scene that involves movement. If you skip over something important, the reader might lose track of where your character is.

Poor example: Mike was sitting on the front porch eating jelly beans when his favorite TV show came on. He sat on the couch to watch it.

Better example: Mike was sitting on the front porch eating jelly beans when it came time for his favorite TV. He went inside and sat on the couch to watch it.


When you're editing, close your eyes and let the action play out in your mind. Ask yourself: Are things happening in order in this sentence or paragraph? Am I missing any vital steps? Have sought out all the places I have simultaneous action?

How about you? Do you ever struggle with this?